So lets talk about Dating apps, love them or hate them, they seem to be the method of choice for meeting people for most singletons and every single one of my single friends boys and girls have used a dating app at one point or another, I asked a few of them their opinions on certain dating apps and rules etc and have incorporated them into this blog, so lets review…
Dating apps as a whole can be a logistical nightmare, swiping this way and that way, right for yes, left for no, up for a ‘super like’ on Tinder and see their profile by pressing the down arrow and then swipe across and you press a button for a ‘super like’ on Bumble and see their profile by scrolling up, some apps don’t even use super likes. When you have more than one app that you are using it can be difficult to remember which way you swipe/press/move and I myself when first dating accidentally ‘super liked’ someone on Tinder due to using the Bumble way to look at profiles. For the record I have never super liked anyone on purpose ever. For me, even though I do use the apps, I don’t like them and I don’t like online dating, it has its place, but for me it’s not what I want to be doing for a long time… It’s actually embarrassing how often I have deleted and re downloaded these apps throughout my single life.
‘Rules for swiping’
Please remember this is about my friends and my personal experiences and I am writing about that specifically.
Now I never used to have a set of ‘rules’ for swiping on people, I used to just look at the photos, quickly read the bio and swipe, which seemed to be a common theme amongst my friends also, although my guy friends did admit they rarely read the bios properly, but a few of us had a discussion the other month about swiping and ‘rules’ for swiping and after that, I do take longer now, after using the apps for a while we felt like it was time to get smarter so to speak with using them, so I take a bit more time now to look at each, read each bio/presets properly (if they have them) and I have are a few things I don’t swipe on/think more about as a rule now and these are:
‘CASUAL’ I don’t swipe on anyone who writes anything in their bio about looking for something casual – reason being is, as a rule, I’m not looking for something casual and if a guy openly states that’s all he is looking for, believe him, 99% of the time this is all he wants and I applaud these guys for being totally honest from outset. Yes, there are always exceptions to the rule, and people can and will change their mind for the ‘right person’ but if they are going into meeting you with this mind set, that generally is what they are after and will not put in the ground work/effort for anything else. I personally don’t do one night stands and I do not want to waste time with a guy who is just after that or a ‘friends with benefits’ situation – which I kind of fell into once when I was first dating and you will find out in a future blog that it was one of the most confusing and upsetting times I’ve had, definitely not worth it unless you are 100% sure that emotions will not come into it.
This is a very judgemental one and I will own the fact that I do this but I don’t swipe on anyone who has all mirror selfies as their pictures or has a plethora of topless/gym photos. Same as my guys friends tend not to swipe on girls who have all filtered pictures. I’m all for self love etc however in my experience the guys I’ve met, my friends have met and guys we know like this are very sure of themselves, the classic ‘f*ckboy’ type who will date and sleep with multiple girls at once and I personally do not want to date people like this. Yes I know there are exceptions to the rule. I’m sure they exist… but no I haven’t met any that do yet.
I’m not into gym buffs, anyone who can spend hours and hours a day, 5-7 days a week in a gym will not have time for me, trust me, I have been there and done that and it was utterly depressing. I do not go to the gym and nor do I want to start so picking someone who already spends a couple of hours a day at one just wouldn’t work for me and so I purposely wouldn’t want to date someone who does this. That also goes for any other sort of extra curricular activity outside work that happens 5-7 days a week, I also don’t want to change anyone or what they enjoy doing, so if that’s what they like then that’s great, I just don’t want to come along and make them feel like they can’t do what they want to do. I’m a busy person and want someone who has time for me occasionally and I’m not really into the big muscle thing, I prefer a bit of a Dad bod, who wants to lay their head on a hard chest of muscle… you need a little bit of a pillow right.
No photos or photos of their car/bike/house only, in case anyone is unclear… it’s a dating app where you unfortunately have to judge people based on a photo, no photo, no swipe… and while we are on the subject what’s with the guys who only have group photos, I have not got time, nor feel the need to try and work out which one you are. I’m not looking to date your friends (well not yet anyway) and unless you put at least one photo of you on your own on there I won’t know who you are, let alone swipe right on you. Same goes for photos of a guys body only with no face? I have never known a girl who would be happy to date a guy/sleep with a guy purely on seeing a photo of their chest… very strange, this also goes for guys who write stuff like, ‘No photos due to my job’ or ‘I’m a private person’ mate you are on a public dating app, kind of defeats the object if you don’t put at least one photo up.
People who have photos of their children on the app. I am totally 100% against this and will as a rule not swipe on people who have their children on the apps. 1. I don’t believe children need to be visualised on a dating app, its such a public platform and it just makes me feel very uncomfortable to see pictures of children on there. One guy I dated once said that despite me mentioning it in my bio he did not realise I had children as I didn’t have a picture of them in my profile and that lots of people seemed to put them up there to show that they had children, personally that’s not for me. Also if you don’t read my bio properly… that’s not my fault either. I actually mention on Bumble/Hinge that I have children because I tick the little box saying so. I used to put it in my Tinder bio, but I took it out recently and mention it in my messages if we get that far. If people don’t want to date me because I have children that’s totally fine, I just don’t want to waste time with these people either.
From my personal experience, I have matched with both guys who just want a one night stand and those who go into dating with more of a open mind for the future, it doesn’t seem to matter what you write in your profile bio and I have seen guys writing it too, ‘No one night stands’ etc. I get messages from guys I’ve matched with asking for one night stands and I just politely decline and un-match them, some of them are totally open and honest about what they are looking for (Kudos to you) and others you have to do a little digging to work out what they are after. I prefer the honest ones, for me, I would rather you don’t waste my time pretending to be someone you aren’t, trust me I won’t sleep with anyone straight away, there are probably much easier ways to get sex than to try it on with me and I am not going to come over an hour after speaking to you and have sex with you and I honestly think that it’s quite insulting that people assume that and a lot of my friends have had the same. I also am not going into a date thinking I’m going to have a relationship/marry a guy. I just want to make sure that the guys I date are open to more if and when it arises.
The experiences the girls and I have had, if you wanted a casual hook up as a girl, we are pretty sure you could find what you are looking for relatively easily, my guy friends I know who use dating apps don’t use it for one night stands so I they were unable to tell me what their ‘success rate’ for one night stands would be, it would be interesting to know though, so if any guys read this and use it specifically for this purpose please let me know how it is, or offer to write for me? So I can update this topic.
Bumble supposedly has a much better reputation than Tinder, you can add photos and swipe for free and message for free. One of the things I didn’t like as much about it is that girls always have to message first, now in one way, I like that, in another I sometimes never knew what to say to people first off, which is the problem that some guys seemingly have too. I also don’t like the fact that you have to message within 24 hours and then they have to message back within 24 hours for you to properly ‘match’ otherwise the match expires. I have had days at work/home where I have been so busy I have missed the notification/window, which is frustrating. There is a smaller space for a bio than Tinder, I usually write double on my bio on Tinder than I do on Bumble. I also prefer Bumble as it allows you to pick ‘preset’ options, like height, whether you smoke/drink, if you have children and the one I like the most, ‘what are you looking for’, I actually read all bios and if I see someone that has ticked the ‘casual’ box, I will not swipe on them. I swipe on all the others, including, ‘don’t know yet’ and ‘relationship’ It also allows you to filter out certain presets, like you can ask not to be shown anyone looking for casual and it won’t show you anyone who has picked this on their profile, which is helpful.
Tinder is an app that allows you to use most of it’s functionality for free, you can add photos and there is more of a space for a longer bio than Bumble, if you like writing those. Unlike Bumble it doesn’t have any of the ‘tick boxes’ but it has recently introduced prepared little ‘interests’ you can add to your profile, but they are pretty generic with things like ‘hiking’ ‘cooking’ ‘single parent’ etc on there. I feel like Bumble is better for the tick boxes. You also don’t have to answer any questions to sign up to Tinder, you can just download it and off you go.
Unfortunately Tinder has a reputation for being more of a ‘hook up’ app, which is great if that is what you are after. (No judgement if you do, as long as you are totally open and honest with your intentions) but a recent poll I read of a large number of people surveyed that were using Tinder regularly suggests that actually, despite popular belief, most people on Tinder were actually open to and looking for a relationship. Also every one of my friends boys and girls are open to a relationship and using Tinder. So maybe it’s not all bad, and actually two of the guys have dated that I could see myself with longer term I met on Tinder… but that’s for future blogs.
PLENTY OF FISH
Plenty of Fish is like a ‘free for all’ you can write a huge extensive bio and add photos but basically anyone can message you if you don’t change any of the settings, even if you haven’t ‘matched’ with them. I got over 1000 messages within the first few hours of being on the app and I actually started off replying to everyone saying thank you for your message etc as I thought it was polite but there was no way I could keep up with this. I have never met anyone in real life from POF and I don’t use it as an app now. I didn’t like its functionality and the preset settings and it also seems to have a lot of fake accounts. It also made me answer a lot of questions in a ‘chemistry’ test. Which was a long process.
One of my best friends found her amazing boyfriend on Hinge after I recommended it to her so there is hope for dating apps yet! Hinge seems to be better for people who are looking for something a bit more long term, you have to answer 3 questions to add to your profile and these are preset but there are a lot to choose from and you can pretty much incorporate a bio into them if you are smart about it. There is no option to add a bio on it’s own though, you have to add it within the questions. Hinge also has presets which you can pick around children, family plans, height etc which I do like. It also looks like a smarter app, more professional I guess you could say, which rightly or wrongly gives the impression people aren’t just on there for ONS. One thing I was unsure about on Hinge was the fact that if you ‘like’ someone or comment on their question it sends a message directly to them for them to reject you or match with you, so it’s not like Tinder or Bumble which requires both parties to swipe right on each other without knowing if the other person has or not. I very rarely look through the guys on Hinge and usually only match with guys who have sent me a ‘like’ or commented on my pictures/questions first. There is also a limit of 10 likes/comments per day, unless you pay for an upgrade.
Obviously as with all the apps, you can pay for certain extras. The only one I’ve ever paid for was Tinder, where my friend and I did an experiment to see if the same guys had ‘liked’ both of us. Which I will write about in another blog some time.
All of the other apps available I have not used. If I do or my friends use them, I will write a short review on them. To be honest, from what we’ve found, all the ‘free’ apps we’ve used are pretty similar and generally have the same people on them.